Has this ever happened to you?
It happens to me all the time now.
I don't know if it's age (not telling mine!) or the long draining winter or my aching bones (I broke them in a ski accident a while ago) or just my generalized anxiety disorder, but more and more I've been finding myself in a pattern of planning overly ambitious dinner parties and then cancelling in a panic as the time draws near
This is not a good way to keep friends or alleviate your (my) anxiety.
So, what I have found helpful is to stop planning huge parties.
By huge, I mean 1) more than 8 people and 2) huge party menus with at least 10 courses.
I know, right! What the heck was I thinking? (Hint: I wasn't).
If I've learned anything over the years (aside from the fact that food has calories), it's that you (I) always have too much food left over everyone leaves. Sometimes, you (I) even have way more food than anyone can even sample. That is a waste and a shame and who needs either to fuel their already guilty anxious self?
So, my solution is KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID.
I used to laugh when my therapist first suggested it, but it's like, my mantra now. I even have it on my tee-shirt. Okay, I don't have it on my tee-shirt, but that's only because I'm opposed to wearing tee-shirts with words on them.
I'm going to ask my therapist why, next time I see her.
But, where were we?
Ah, yes. Simple dinners.
Here is what I have learned from experience:
1) Don't invite more people than you have chairs.
--I know this sounds like common sense, but you'd be surprised at how easy it is to let this get out of hand simply because you love all your friends and want them all to come and even if you didn't, you would feel guilty if you left some out, etc. Don't feel guilty. They can come to the next one.
2) Don't apprise your guests of the menu.
--Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I used to do this with my annual Mardi Gras party and as soon as I hit "send" on the email, I regretted it. Because by sending it out, it felt like a binding contract and if I didn't make any of those things on the menu, I would be a failure and a fraud. I could even be sued. Okay. Maybe not, but still. If you don't give your guests any expectations, they will not be disappointed by what they find on their plate. Be vague. Giving them the "theme" is enough.
3) Keep the menu simple, stupid.
--We all have our favourite fall-back recipes that we could make with the help of a seeing eye dog, if we had to. These are the recipes you should choose if you're feeling overwhelmed as D Day (Dinner Party Day) approaches. I make a mean and fast meatloaf that will knock your socks off. My turkey meatballs are also a fan favourite. I probably have another 5 dishes that I can make in my sleep. Pick one. I've found that even if you cook 5 things, only 2 will get fully eaten. People have their favourites. They are not going to fill up on the side salads when there is a juicy roast beef staring them in the face.
4) Whatever you serve, make sure it's your best recipe.
--Don't let this one stress you out. Remember that you have a "go to" recipe for something tasty. Use that recipe. It doesn't matter if you only serve meatloaf and mashed potatoes as long as they are the best meatloaf and mashed potatoes your guests will ever taste in their lives. I used to think that more meant better. Not true. Unless it's money. Then, it's true.
5) Don't ever ever ever ever ever ever try a new recipe out before your dinner party.
--Just don't.
6) At the end of the day, if your guests are hungry enough, they will eat anything.
--Unless it is burnt to a crisp. That's when you'll have to call out for pizza.
7) Sometimes, the party isn't just about food.
--If you have a good sense of humour, ambiance, alcoholic beverages and good company, everyone is going to have a good time regardless of whether you serve only appetizers or pheasant under glass.
8) You can always serve a bunch of easy appetizers instead of a formal meal.
--I like to call this "Tapas Night" (wink wink)
9) Pot luck dinner parties are awesome, even at the last minute!
--Enlisting the help of others to brings something takes some of the stress and work off your shoulders. The trick with this is to control what people bring. You can't have everyone bring potato salad. Not unless the theme of your party is "Potato Salad Contest". Ask your guest what their favourite go-to dish is and have them bring that. Or ask them to bring something that would go with the theme of your party. My sister in law can whip up some amazing appetizers at the last minute. I know I can count on her and a couple of my best pals to create something in under 15 minutes. These are the type of guests you want at your dinner parties.
10) It's never too late in life to see a therapist.
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